If there is one promise we make, it is that we will always analyze NBA basketball through a political or literary lens - and we will always analyze politicians based purely on their basketball and athletic skills.
The story opens with the wiry Obama nailing a crunch-time game winning shot "with a head fake, a bit of contact and a jumper that seemed out of his range." We ascribe not to the belief in a liberal media bias, but this logic tears at the fabric of our souls. Through the New York Times, we see Obama as LeBron, Obama as T-Mac in 35 seconds, Obama as Reggie Miller in Madison Square Garden - an on-court hero hitting the last-second shot to win the game.It is only midway through the article that our east-coast journalistic brethren reveal this little factoid:
"Mr. Obama cannot match their technical prowess, say those who played regularly with him. But he is fiercely competitive, and makes up for his deficits with collaboration and strategy. 'He’s very good at finding a way to win when he’s playing with people who are supposedly stronger,' Mr. Nesbitt said."
An undersized player, lacking the athleticism to dominate, but possessing the will to win. It is reminiscent of "scrappers" like John Stockton and Chicago's favorite worm - Dennis Rodman. But Stockton was too wise and Rodman was too rough. Obama is neither a basketball technician nor a tattooed strongman. Frankly, he sounds like a pickup role player to us.
If we had to compare Obama to a modern day basketball player, he would be former Dukie Mike Dunleavy. A mid-sized baller with a coach for a father, Dunleavy is all will and no way. He can take the court and has hit one or two game winning shots, but he can't hang with the tougher, more athletic players for a full game. That's what the scouting report tells us about Obama.
We're guessing most of our readers are not familiar with Dunleavy's wily-yet-underwhelming basketball style. So we'll throw out a second name that comes to mind: Manu Ginobili.
Listen to this passage about Obama: "Mr. Obama is left-handed, and his signature move is to fake right and veer left, surprising players used to guarding right-handed competitors."
And watch as the Argentinian superstar fakes right and goes left:
Ginobili's dual citizenship in Argentina and Italy may correspond well with Obama's American and Kenyan roots. Both are citizens of the international community. Both are mid-sized guard/forward combo players who have a predilection for the left-handed basket.
We will wait for another day to analyze the race-relations implications of Obama's two nearest NBA twins both being caucasian. Suffice to say, Manhattan liberals everywhere are sipping their tea faster as the nervous realization takes hold.
1 comment:
If the above premise is true, then here's the plan for guarding Senator Obama:
Facing him - keep your left foot slightly behind your right foot. Right arm completely extended, parallel to the round. Keep your left arm back on a 45-degree angle to the ground.
Essentially, you're giving him a free-shot at the right side of the hoop. If he goes right, he's not making the shot. Too much time on the campaign trail and your weak-hand layups start to falter.
If he persists in going left, whatever you do, don't spin around and try to meet him at the basket. Quick feet, keep sliding to your right. Force him to go baseline where he's either going to have to attempt a weak-side reverse layup or pass out.
He's not Steve Nash - that baseline pass is going to get picked off.
Bottom line: keep your wits about you and you can defend Senator Obama in a game of hoops.
Nobody tell Hillary.
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